Organising The Wake Or Funeral Reception

A funeral wake is a gathering that usually takes place after the funeral service, burial or cremation. It is sometimes referred to as a funeral reception. Guests may have refreshments, speak with the family and remember the person who has died in a more relaxed setting.

A wake can be traditional and understated or more personal and informal. Some families arrange a quiet afternoon tea, while others choose a buffet, sit-down meal or celebration of life with music and photographs.

You do not have to hold a wake. Some families find that gathering afterwards provides comfort, while others prefer to return home privately or spend time with only their closest relatives.

There is no right or wrong choice. You may also decide to hold a memorial gathering at a later date, particularly when some family members or friends are unable to attend the funeral.

A wake can be held at a family home, hotel, pub, restaurant, social club, community centre, church hall or another suitable venue. Some crematoria and cemeteries have nearby reception facilities, while local venues may offer funeral packages that include room hire and catering.

The best setting is one that feels comfortable and practical for your family. It does not need to be elaborate to provide a meaningful opportunity for people to come together.

Consider how far the venue is from the church, crematorium or cemetery, particularly when guests will be travelling directly from the funeral. It is also helpful to check the capacity, parking, disabled access, toilet facilities and whether your gathering will have a private room.

Ask what catering is available, whether you can bring your own food, how long the room can be used and whether photographs, flowers or music can be displayed. We may be able to suggest suitable local venues and help you understand the practical timings.

A wake can be open to everyone attending the funeral or limited to close family and friends. The family may mention the reception in the funeral notice, include the details in the order of service or invite people personally.

Where the gathering is private, this can be communicated gently and clearly. It is also sensible to give the venue an estimated number of guests, even when formal replies are not required.

Funeral receptions often include simple food that can be prepared and served easily. Sandwiches, savoury pastries, cakes, biscuits, tea, coffee and soft drinks are common choices. Some families arrange a hot buffet, afternoon tea or a meal that reflects the person’s favourite food or cultural traditions.

When deciding how much food to provide, estimate how many people are likely to attend and allow a modest amount for unexpected guests. Consider the time of day, the length of the gathering and whether guests will expect a light refreshment or a full meal. Dietary requirements should also be discussed with the venue or caterer.

Professional catering can reduce the practical pressure on your family, particularly when a larger number of people is expected. A venue or caterer can prepare the food, provide serving staff and manage the clearing away afterwards.

For a smaller gathering, relatives may prefer to provide food themselves or ask friends to contribute. Choose the option that feels easiest and most comfortable rather than feeling that you need to meet a particular expectation.

Photographs, flowers and personal belongings can help make the wake feel warm and personal. You might create a memory table, display a framed photograph, play favourite music or invite guests to write in a book of remembrance.

Some families also show a slideshow or place photographs from different stages of the person’s life around the room. These details can encourage people to share stories and remember moments that others may not have known about.

The funeral service can feel emotional and pass very quickly. A wake offers more time to speak with others, hear their memories and reflect on the difference the person made to those around them.

At N E Downing, we can help you consider the timings and practical arrangements surrounding the reception. Whether you choose a large gathering, a simple cup of tea with close family or no wake at all, we will treat your decision with understanding and respect.